Funny Thanksgiving Jokes and One-liners

Everyone wants to be the one with that greath thanksgiving zinger at the meal. Now you can be the one everyone loves, with these complimentary and completely free Thanksgiving Jokes and Oneliners...


What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving,"
little Timothy wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."

Have you finished off the first one?
Yeah!
Eaten it too?
Yeah!
What happened to the other one?
The other turkey is now reading our conversation, boss.

If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey want?
Ans- It simply wants to run away.

What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
Ans- God save the kin.

What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it?
Ans- Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.

What will a turkey with a dramatic bent of mind say to another turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
Ans- To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"


What key has legs and can't open doors?
A Turkey.


Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"
"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"
"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.

If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their AGE

Why can't you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such FOWL language

What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called?
Turkey feathers

What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes - a building can't jump at all

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

How can you make a turkey float?
You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock

Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside

Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks

Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play

What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
The turKEY

What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I'm stuffed!

Where did the first corn come from?
The stalk brought it